Struggling vs. Surrendering: Why Holding On Is Holding You Back

Struggling vs. Surrendering: Why Holding On Is Holding You Back

Ever feel like you’re stuck, trying to move forward but somehow sinking deeper with every step? That’s the weight of distractions—those nagging thoughts, past regrets, and endless mental clutter that we cling to, even when we know they’re holding us back. It’s not always the big, obvious obstacles that weigh us down. Often, it’s the small things we refuse to let go.

I was sitting by the river with a friend recently when he admitted he felt stuck. He’d been struggling with his past mistakes, unable to stop replaying the decisions he wished he’d made differently. The weight of his past was dragging him down, and I could see it in his eyes—frustration and regret. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t move forward. His past still had a grip on him, holding him captive in a way that was clearly more than just in his mind—it was keeping him from truly living in the present.

As we talked, I asked him to start naming everything he was holding onto—his old mistakes, the “what-ifs,” the “could’ve-beens”—all the emotional baggage that had been dragging him down for years. For every one he listed, I handed him a stone. At first, they were small and manageable. But as his list grew, so did the weight. Soon, he was holding 26 stones, some so big they were almost too much to bear. His hands shook, and he could barely hold onto them all. Yet, there he was, gripping them like his life depended on it.

I could see the physical toll it was taking. The stones were more than just rocks—they represented the emotional weight he carried. And here’s the thing: The longer we hold onto that baggage, the harder it is to move. Research shows that when we focus too much on the past or on things we can’t change, it causes anxiety, stress, and a lack of focus. People who are stuck in past mistakes or regrets tend to experience higher levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, which makes it even harder to move forward.

We sat there for a moment in silence, the weight of those stones mirroring the weight of his distractions. I asked him, “What matters most to you right now? The one thing that, if you don’t get it right, you’d regret forever?” He thought for a moment, then told me. I handed him one stone—just the right size for the weight of that one thing that truly mattered. I said, “How can you carry this if you’re holding everything else?” He looked at the pile of stones in his hands, realizing something: He couldn’t move forward until he let go.

This is the heart of the struggle we all face: We can’t move forward if we’re still holding on to everything less. You can’t focus on the one thing that really matters if you’re carrying everything that doesn’t. Holding on isn’t strength—it’s a trap. It keeps us stuck, and the longer we hold on, the harder it is to release.

Instead of telling him to drop the stones, I asked him to throw them into the river. One by one, he tossed them in. Some he threw in multiples, some one at a time. But when he got to the last one, the tears welled up. I asked him why this one was so hard. He looked at me, voice trembling, and said, “It’s the thing I’m most comfortable holding on to, even though it’s not good for me.”

And that’s the hardest part for all of us. We hold onto the things that we’re used to, even when they’re not good for us. We hold onto the pain, the regret, the past mistakes, because they’re familiar. Letting go is hard, but it’s the only way to make room for the things that truly matter.

When he finally threw that last stone in, I saw the change in him. The weight lifted. He walked away lighter, more focused, and with a clearer sense of purpose. He had surrendered. He had let go of the distractions and made room for what mattered most.

The truth is, struggling against the weight of our past and present distractions will keep us stuck. We can choose to continue carrying everything that holds us back—or we can surrender. Let go of what doesn’t serve us. That’s the only way to free ourselves and move forward with purpose.

And that’s the hardest lesson of all—to get a grip on what matters most, you have to be willing to let go of everything less.

This Week’s Challenge:

1. Name Your Distractions: Take a moment to reflect on the things you’re still holding onto—past mistakes, regrets, or anything that’s keeping you from moving forward. Write them down.
2. Identify What Matters More: What is the one thing that will make a difference in your life if you focus on it? It could be a relationship, a goal, or even a change in mindset. Choose it.
3. Let It Go: Like my friend by the river, it’s time to release the distractions. Don’t just drop them—let them go. Free yourself from the weight you’ve been carrying.
4. Embrace the GRIP Principle: To get a GRIP on what matters more, you have to be willing to let go of everything less. Focus your energy on the one thing that truly counts.
5. Take Action: Start today. Do something—anything—that moves you closer to what matters most. You can’t hold on to everything, but you can hold on to what will make the biggest difference.

Stop struggling. Surrender the distractions. Make room for what truly matters, and feel the weight lift as you start moving forward with clarity and purpose.